Monday, February 23, 2009

On Early Morning F Train, Daily News Doomsday Predictions: Creatures From Sea to Test Earth’s ‘Protectors’ in Epic End Days Battle

WHAT IS IT ABOUT RONALD REAGAN that sparks space conspiracy theorists? Back in college, my freshman year random-pick roommate ended up being involved in the state chapter of the Mars Society and at one point, I remember him saying there was some crazy Reagan administration conspiracy to thwart efforts to send Americans to Mars.

And now, earlier this morning while riding the F train into Midtown Manhattan from Brooklyn for a 6 o'clock Acela Express en route Washington, D.C., came more maniacal Reagan-fueled space program machinations.

This chatter, uttered by a man who sounded (and looked) like Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny initially caught my attention somewhere between Delancey Street and Broadway-Lafayette:
Earth, wind and fire, I’m telling you. … The forces of the world. … They aren’t telling us. … They aren’t telling us!
Whoa! What aren’t they telling us?

So out came a nice Doomsday scenario from Vinny, who was talking to a guy who could have been Marlon Brando’s Don Corleone. I suppose this could have been a refashioning of some Xenophonian myth a la The Warriors or a History Channel special on Nostradamus or a Captain Planet episode involving Wheeler, Gi, Kwame, Linka and Ma-Ti battling evil toxic waste peddlers.

But the Gipper in conjunction with sea creatures and space missiles make it such a better tale.

And Vinny happened to be wearing a black jacket with the Daily News logo emblazoned on the back! So this has to be true. No?

So, did you know … ?
  • That all those missiles Ronald Reagan put in orbit as part of the Star Wars program against the Soviets are going to come back to haunt us?
  • “They” aren’t telling us that Earth’s orbit will come too close to the sun?
  • “They” intervened in the 1980s to stop Reagan from putting more missiles in space?
  • That there are still too many out there?
  • That those missiles will explode because of they’re getting too close to the sun?
  • That the toxic material from the missiles will change the chemistry of the world’s oceans?
  • That there are thousands and thousands of sea creatures we haven’t discovered yet?
  • That the change in oceanic chemistry will cause the sea creatures to come to the surface and attack our cities?
  • That “they” are here to protect us?
  • That if you aren’t trained as a Navy SEAL, “you aren’t gonna be ready” to battle the sea creatures in the end times?
  • That “you can’t do anything about it” … ?
  • Oh well. We must be in the end times. Happy Monday morning to you all.

    Creative Commons photo via dorywithserifs/flickr

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